


I'll Be Alright

by thinkoutsidethebex



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, M/M, endgame steve is a douchebag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:14:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25890424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkoutsidethebex/pseuds/thinkoutsidethebex
Summary: Bucky settles into a quiet life after the Blip, but an unexpected visitor one night threatens the stability he’s worked so hard to achieve.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	I'll Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Candles by Hey Monday.

Two years doesn’t seem like a long time, especially when you’ve lived as many years as Bucky Barnes, but two years was all it took for him to feel like he had a somewhat normal life. After Tony’s funeral and Steve’s abrupt departure, normal wasn’t a word he ever thought he’d use to describe himself after all he’d been through. He assumed he’d fall in with the Avengers, running around the world and ripping down walls to tear the bad guy of the week out of their hiding place. He was surprised when before they could ask, Pepper approached him and asked that he help with the long and arduous task of rebuilding the compound. Something about the idea of using his strength to build something rather than destroy sat well with him, and he agreed. It took the better part of a year to get it up and running, and another six months to get the team moved in and settled, but once it was done Bucky felt a sense of pride that he hadn’t felt in many, many years.

Once the team moved their operations to the new compound Bucky opted for a more behind the scenes role, staying in their command center and directing missions from behind a computer screen. It was a different routine for him, but it was a good different. It was nice to feel useful in a way that didn’t involve breaking things or people and he suddenly understood why Bruce hid behind his tech all the time. After a while, things really began to feel normal. Or as normal as they could when your housemates were superheroes. The compound thrummed with activity during the day and buzzed with a comfortable homey atmosphere by night. Weekly team dinners became a regular event, someone started a Secret Santa, and Bucky finally started to feel like he was part of a family again. 

The days started to blend together in a wonderful way that they only can when life takes a turn toward the sublime, when Bucky found himself leaning back against his headboard lost in a book Sam had recommended to him. Light rain tapped at his windows and thunder rumbled far off in the distance. Normally he didn’t like thunder, but something about tonight didn’t bother him as much. He settled into the bed and smiled to himself as he read, thoroughly enjoying such a peaceful evening. Suddenly, and very unexpectedly given the gentle nature of the rain, the lights in the compound flickered out, and Bucky was plunged into darkness. 

“What the fuck?” he mumbled, setting his book aside. The compound was run on Tony’s arch reactor design and fully self-sufficient, so power outages had never been a concern. Bucky fumbled in his nightstand for a couple of candles, setting them out and striking a match. As he lit them, Bucky chuckled to himself. There were a lot of things in this time that still felt foreign to him, but candles burning in the dark was all too familiar. More often than not during the Depression the lights were out, leaving him and Becca or Steve with nothing but candle flames to navigate the dark.

Once the light from the candles was bright enough, Bucky went back to his spot on the bed, picking up his book and resuming where he left off. He settled back into the comfortable silence, even quieter now without the buzz of electronics, and smiled at the simplicity he’d found himself in. That simplicity was broken, however, when his phone decided to ring loudly. He scooped the device up and silenced the call quickly, only noticing after the fact that it had been Sam. He assumed it was just a call to check in about the power, so he flipped the phone to vibrate and set it back down. Seconds later it rang again, this time with Bruce calling.

“Christ,” Bucky muttered, ignoring the second call. “You’d think they’ve never been in a blackout before.” He sank a little further into his bed and tried to resume his book, but his phone kept going off. After ignoring calls from Peter, Scott, Wanda, and Clint, he finally gave up and turned the damned thing off.

“Future kids don’t know how to do anything without electricity,” he scoffed. Smiling at the renewed silence, he signed and reopened his book. The quiet lasted all of five minutes before a knock sounded at his door. He threw his book to the foot of his bed, giving up on getting any reading done, and stomped to the door. Keeping his voice as low as he could, he yanked it open.

“Would you all calm do-“

His words died on his tongue once his brain caught up and registered what he was seeing. Standing in his doorway, his shirt dotted with the rain from outside, stood Steve Rogers. But this wasn’t the old man he’d seen hand off his shield to Sam at the lake. This was his Steve, blond-haired with blue eyes sparkling in the candlelight, a bashful smile on his face.

“Hey, Buck,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Bucky stood, blinking in surprise at the sudden return of his best friend. He’d be lying if he said he never imagined this moment. When Steve left, he took a piece of Bucky with him. Nobody knew, not even Becca who he told everything, but Steve had always been more than his best friend; he’d been his first love. Of course Bucky had never told him, but he had always known. The time they had grown up in was a far cry from accepting of anyone even remotely different, and they hardly had the time for any long overdue declarations of love before Thanos came and Steve went running back to Peggy.

But that love was gone now. The last remnants of it had been stomped out when that fifth second had passed and Steve wasn’t on the platform. Now, all Bucky had was a low-simmering contempt for the man standing before him.

“You have something to do with this?” Bucky asked, jerking his head up toward the darkened light fixtures. Steve chuckled and nodded, looking down at his feet.

“Yeah, sorry,” he murmured. “Bruce said the grid wasn’t prepared for the surge from the jump since nobody has used it for so long.” He laughed again, causing Bucky to bristle slightly. There had been a time, seventy or so years ago, when Steve’s laughter had been his favorite sound in the world. He would have walked through fire across a floor of broken glass to hear it, and been grateful. Now, the sound was a hollow reminder of broken promises and dreams that could never come true.

“Why are you here, Steve?” Bucky demanded, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Steve sighed softly and fidgeted in his spot.

“I-I missed you, Bucky,” he replied. “I came back for you.” Every ounce of self-control Bucky had went to making sure his eyes didn’t roll to the back of his head.

“Oh, so now you care about me?” he scoffed, staring Steve dead in the eyes. “Where was all this concern for me two years ago?”

“I’m…I’m sorry, Bucky,” Steve replied, wringing his hands. “I messed up. I never should have gone back.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Bucky spat, moving to shut the door. Steve’s hand shot out and held it in place as the wood groaned in protest at the combined strength of the super soldiers. 

“Bucky, please,” Steve begged, his eyes wide. “Let me explain.”

“Explain what?” he snapped. “Explain how you left me here alone? No family, no friends, nothing left from my life. You knew exactly how I’d feel here with nothing because it’s exactly how you felt, but you left me anyway. So, please, Steve, explain away. I’d love to see you show your work on this one.” Even Bucky was surprised at the venom in his words, and Steve was so shocked he took a step back. Bucky hadn’t realized he’d balled his fists until he felt the nails of his flesh hand biting into his palm. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to calm down and look back at Steve. When their eyes met, something changed. It was no longer Captain America standing in the hall. Looking wide-eyed back at him was the scared, scrawny kid he’d known all those years ago in Brooklyn. For just a moment, Bucky’s heart stalled in his chest and he wanted to let go of all the anger and resentment that had been festering in him since he realized Steve wasn’t coming back. He wanted to let it all go and welcome his friend back, but then Steve said the last thing Bucky ever expected to hear.

“I love you, James.”

The words fell from Steve’s lips and dropped onto Bucky like an anvil. He’d spent countless nights in his younger years imagining how Steve would tell him. He’d pictured the candles and occasionally the soft rain outside, but never the anger that flared in his chest when he finally heard it.

“Don’t,” Bucky whispered. “Don’t you dare…”

“I should have told you seventy years ago,” Steve continued. “And I know me coming back like this isn’t fair but it’s true. I love you. I always have and I never should have left you.”

“But you did,” Bucky countered. “You left me for her and now what? You’re back because you’re bored? You realized two years too late that you fucked up? Did you really expect me to be waiting here for you like some pining housewife?”

“I don’t know what I expected,” Steve confessed, looking down once more.

“Clearly,” Bucky scoffed, crossing his arms again. “Just tell me why. Tell me why it was so easy for you to leave me behind like I meant nothing. You owe me that much.” Steve shrank at Bucky’s words and bit his lip. He took a shuddering breath before he answered, his voice much softer.

“I was scared,” he said. “Even now after so long people still have problems with…guys like us being together. Going back to her was safe.”

“So, all this pain and heartbreak happened because Steve Rogers was afraid of what some homophobic assholes might say?” When Steve stayed silent Bucky charged on. “I fell in love with you when I was sixteen years old, Steve. I was in love with you for my entire adult life. For so many years I thought I would never love anyone like I loved you. That’s how you got through to me on the bridge. After everything HYDRA put me through it was always you. You were the one thing they couldn’t fully erase. I thought it was gonna be you and me til the end of the line, but I guess you got off a few stops before me.” 

The silence pressed in again, but it wasn’t the comfortable one Bucky had enjoyed earlier. It was heavy and charged, and it hung between the two men as they stood staring at one another. Steve opened his mouth to say something else when he heard a rustling sound in the room. Bucky heard it too and glanced over his shoulder to the bed. You rolled over so you faced the door, mumbling in your sleep as you pulled the blankets up around your shoulders. Bucky smiled softly as he watched you for a moment. Seeing you, sleeping so peacefully despite the scene at the door, calmed his fraying nerves.

“Who’s that?” Steve asked abruptly with heartbreak in his voice.

“That’s Y/N,” Bucky replied, turning back to face him. “My fiancée.” Steve’s face shattered and fell to the ground at the confirmation of what he already knew in his heart. Bucky couldn’t help but feel a little satisfaction at it, along with a small twinge of pain.

“O-oh,” he stuttered. “Fiancée. Wow. Congratulations. How long have you two...” He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

“Almost two years,” Bucky said. “Pepper hired her company to rebuild the compound after the fight.”

“Wow,” Steve said with a nod. “Quite the accomplished woman.”

“Yeah, she is,” Bucky agreed, glancing back at you. Soft snores drifted from your mouth, making Bucky smile again. He’d told you more than once you could sleep through a hurricane and you were proving him right yet again.

“I’m happy for you, Buck,” Steve said, and Bucky turned back to face him. “You deserve someone good in your life.”

“Thanks,” Bucky mumbled, looking down at the floor. The sound of your snores once again filled the air as the soldiers shuffled awkwardly.

“I should probably go,” Steve said finally, sighing in defeat.

“Y-yeah,” Bucky said with a nod. “You probably should.” Steve smiled half-heartedly and looked back up, his eyes misty.

“I really am happy for you,” Steve repeated. “You deserve better than what I gave you. I hope the two of you are really happy together.” He waved weakly and started back down the hallway, his eyes downcast again. Bucky watched him for a second before stepping out of the doorway and into the hall.

“Where will you go?” he called after him. Steve turned back and shrugged gently.

“I think Peggy will still have me,” he said. “If I beg enough. If not, then…well, I’m not really sure.” He chuckled humorlessly and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

“Tell her I said hi?” Bucky asked meekly, earning a nod from Steve. “And tell her I said you deserve a second chance.” He couldn’t explain why, but even with all the anger and pain he felt because of Steve, there was still a part of Bucky that cared for him. The trust between them was shattered, broken beyond what simple sorry’s could repair, but Steve would always mean something to Bucky. Even with decades between them, Bucky would always want him to be alright. Something about first loves, he supposed.

“Thanks, Buck,” Steve said. “I think I’ll be alright.”

“Take care, Stevie,” he replied. With another sad smile, Steve turned and left. Bucky watched him until he was gone before going back inside and shutting the door. He crossed the room quickly, climbing gingerly into the bed where you were still sleeping. His thumb brushed across your cheek as he smiled down at you. Your nose twitched slightly at his touch and he smiled a little wider. He was still a little shaken from his unexpected visit but looking at you like this, arms wrapped around his pillow and mouth slightly agape, only confirmed that he’d made the right decision. He leaned down to press a soft kiss to your forehead and was about to blow out the candles when he felt you stir.

“Baby?” came your soft, sleepy voice from beside him. “You ok?” He looked back to see you rubbing your puffy eyes and looking up at him.

“Yeah, I’m ok doll,” he said, placing another soft kiss to your forehead. “Just a bad dream.” He turned to blow the candles out before laying back in bed and letting you crawl over to rest your head on his chest.

“Y’wanna talk about it?” you mumbled, already drifting back to sleep. He smiled at your sleepy state and wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back gently.

“No, baby,” he answered. “Go back to sleep. I think I’ll be alright.”


End file.
